It is Nov 20th. I am one month and five days away from my 21st birthday. This past year has been tumultuous mentally. I keep hearing, "welcome to your 20s the most pivotal time in your life." This shift from childhood to adulthood starts hitting you in the face. I see a shift in my personality as i get closer to realizes what my future may hold. How much harder it is going to get. I read articles about what my generation is having to go through just to live a normal life. How the “milennials” arent getting jobs. How the economy can’t support us and we are living on our parents couches or living in poverty. As a performing arts major it is even harder to consider future plans. It is even harder to think that i am just building myself up to live in a society that barely recognizes individual creativity nor does anything about its existence. My inner artist is coming out as i continue my studies and i love the progression i am making. but so much of college today is setting up students for a job, not a way of life. I want to keep my way of life but in today’s world i will have to sacrifice my life to a job with no free time just to survive. because "only the rich have leisure time." maybe i am being a pessimist. but honestly i think i am being realistic. meanwhile so many people ask me what are you going to do after graduation? STOP FUCKING ASKING ME. because i am already doubting being able to continue growing as an artist and being able to survive. i dont know what kind of encouragement i need anymore.